这种事很可怕，有人说，我太能撑了，确实，我也佩服自己，但是不撑又能怎样？

其实我还有一种选择，就是淡定。当我参加完zl的笔试之后，其实是失落的，但马上就开始变的淡定，我基本从感观上放弃了，但是这种淡定还是能换来一丝欣喜，他们总能再给了我个机会，但是再次失落的话，还能不能回到一个坦然的状态。而一直觉得很有希望的XXX也突然变得没谱了，很多可行的都变得不行了，也十足的让我懵了一把，如同飞机兴高采烈的飞上天，却发现没有油了，也没有降落伞，只能认栽。

其实我很需要淡定下来，坦然又不失希望，如果你能想得开，你也相信这社会的状况的话，就不应该再责备自己，而且应该相信相信自己没什么错，总有可取之处。

正如今天下午DP，XK，AL我们四个人面红耳赤的就国民大事争论了一下午，其实我主要是个倾听者，Xk是中央人，她坚信党的政绩和努力，坚信我们国家正在向更好的方向发展，而其它的人都觉得其实现在国内问题相当糟糕，特别是缺乏有力监管，其实问题在心脏。当时辩论的场面之激烈，让我也觉得热血澎湃，但是最终，很多争论是没有结果的，我们无法预见另一种没有实现的东西，最终争论无解。其实当大家拼死拼活的坚持一个观点的时候，很多事情的发展是不以我们的意志为转移的，也不是我们的力量能改变的。但是大家依然会坚持信仰自己的观点，做信任自己的那个人。一切就都还是似乎美好了。

尽人事，知天命，我突然觉得很对，自己努力过了，能不能有个好归属，看命运安排了。与其信他信她信这信那，还不如信信命运。阿弥陀佛~

没分寸来自于怕，怕来自于欲望。

面对那几张严肃又不算很耐烦的脸的时候，我紧张了，其实一紧张的时候就算输了。如果我的实际水平为10分，那么我能表现出来的只有2分。其实这种闪失对于我自己来说，不算啥，无非明天各走各的路，谁也不认识谁了。但是人往往是身在一个圈里，这一次付出努力的不光是我自己，我代表的也不光是自己。

我时常对这样的事情耿耿于怀，并且懊恼不已，怒已不争。回过头来看看，无非都是浮云。

其实除了生老病死意义上的东西，一切的一切都没什么可怕的。

喜欢朋友的话，尽人事，知天命；得之欣然，失之坦然。

我还是没有修炼的这个境界，但是能悟出来，我就已经修炼成了一半了。

如果当你发现你不是在走向你想要的生活，怎么办？

但是无论怎样都得保持微笑。

if a face could launch a thousand ships,
then where am I to go?
There’s no one home but you,

You’re all that’s left me to.
And when my love for life is running dry,
you come and pour yourself on me.

If a man could be two places at one time,
I’d be with you.
Tommorrow and today, beside you all the way.

If the world should stop revolving
spinning slowly down to die,
I’d spend the end with you.
And when the world was through,

Then one by one the stars would all go out,
then you and I would simply fly away

面包乐队的歌曲，真好！

I am honored to be with you today at your commencement from one of the finest universities in the world. I never graduated from college. Truth be told, this is the closest I’ve ever gotten to a college graduation. Today I want to tell you three stories from my life. That’s it. No big deal. Just three stories.
The first story is about connecting the dots.
I dropped out of Reed College after the first 6 months, but then stayed around as a drop-in for another 18 months or so before I really quit. So why did I drop out?
It started before I was born. My biological mother was a young, unwed college graduate student, and she decided to put me up for adoption. She felt very strongly that I should be adopted by college graduates, so everything was all set for me to be adopted at birth by a lawyer and his wife. Except that when I popped out they decided at the last minute that they really wanted a girl. So my parents, who were on a waiting list, got a call in the middle of the night asking: “We have an unexpected baby boy; do you want him?” They said: “Of course.” My biological mother later found out that my mother had never graduated from college and that my father had never graduated from high school. She refused to sign the final adoption papers. She only relented a few months later when my parents promised that I would someday go to college.
And 17 years later I did go to college. But I naively chose a college that was almost as expensive as Stanford, and all of my working-class parents’ savings were being spent on my college tuition. After six months, I couldn’t see the value in it. I had no idea what I wanted to do with my life and no idea how college was going to help me figure it out. And here I was spending all of the money my parents had saved their entire life. So I decided to drop out and trust that it would all work out OK. It was pretty scary at the time, but looking back it was one of the best decisions I ever made. The minute I dropped out I could stop taking the required classes that didn’t interest me, and begin dropping in on the ones that looked interesting.
It wasn’t all romantic. I didn’t have a dorm room, so I slept on the floor in friends’ rooms, I returned coke bottles for the 5¢ deposits to buy food with, and I would walk the 7 miles across town every Sunday night to get one good meal a week at the Hare Krishna temple. I loved it. And much of what I stumbled into by following my curiosity and intuition turned out to be priceless later on. Let me give you one example:
Reed College at that time offered perhaps the best calligraphy instruction in the country. Throughout the campus every poster, every label on every drawer, was beautifully hand calligraphed. Because I had dropped out and didn’t have to take the normal classes, I decided to take a calligraphy class to learn how to do this. I learned about serif and san serif typefaces, about varying the amount of space between different letter combinations, about what makes great typography great. It was beautiful, historical, artistically subtle in a way that science can’t capture, and I found it fascinating.
None of this had even a hope of any practical application in my life. But ten years later, when we were designing the first Macintosh computer, it all came back to me. And we designed it all into the Mac. It was the first computer with beautiful typography. If I had never dropped in on that single course in college, the Mac would have never had multiple typefaces or proportionally spaced fonts. And since Windows just copied the Mac, its likely that no personal computer would have them. If I had never dropped out, I would have never dropped in on this calligraphy class, and personal computers might not have the wonderful typography that they do. Of course it was impossible to connect the dots looking forward when I was in college. But it was very, very clear looking backwards ten years later.
Again, you can’t connect the dots looking forward; you can only connect them looking backwards. So you have to trust that the dots will somehow connect in your future. You have to trust in something — your gut, destiny, life, karma, whatever. This approach has never let me down, and it has made all the difference in my life.
My second story is about love and loss.
I was lucky — I found what I loved to do early in life. Woz and I started Apple in my parents garage when I was 20. We worked hard, and in 10 years Apple had grown from just the two of us in a garage into a $2 billion company with over 4000 employees. We had just released our finest creation — the Macintosh — a year earlier, and I had just turned 30. And then I got fired. How can you get fired from a company you started? Well, as Apple grew we hired someone who I thought was very talented to run the company with me, and for the first year or so things went well. But then our visions of the future began to diverge and eventually we had a falling out. When we did, our Board of Directors sided with him. So at 30 I was out. And very publicly out. What had been the focus of my entire adult life was gone, and it was devastating.
I really didn’t know what to do for a few months. I felt that I had let the previous generation of entrepreneurs down - that I had dropped the baton as it was being passed to me. I met with David Packard and Bob Noyce and tried to apologize for screwing up so badly. I was a very public failure, and I even thought about running away from the valley. But something slowly began to dawn on me — I still loved what I did. The turn of events at Apple had not changed that one bit. I had been rejected, but I was still in love. And so I decided to start over.
I didn’t see it then, but it turned out that getting fired from Apple was the best thing that could have ever happened to me. The heaviness of being successful was replaced by the lightness of being a beginner again, less sure about everything. It freed me to enter one of the most creative periods of my life.
During the next five years, I started a company named NeXT, another company named Pixar, and fell in love with an amazing woman who would become my wife. Pixar went on to create the worlds first computer animated feature film, Toy Story, and is now the most successful animation studio in the world. In a remarkable turn of events, Apple bought NeXT, I returned to Apple, and the technology we developed at NeXT is at the heart of Apple’s current renaissance. And Laurene and I have a wonderful family together.
I’m pretty sure none of this would have happened if I hadn’t been fired from Apple. It was awful tasting medicine, but I guess the patient needed it. Sometimes life hits you in the head with a brick. Don’t lose faith. I’m convinced that the only thing that kept me going was that I loved what I did. You’ve got to find what you love. And that is as true for your work as it is for your lovers. Your work is going to fill a large part of your life, and the only way to be truly satisfied is to do what you believe is great work. And the only way to do great work is to love what you do. If you haven’t found it yet, keep looking. Don’t settle. As with all matters of the heart, you’ll know when you find it. And, like any great relationship, it just gets better and better as the years roll on. So keep looking until you find it. Don’t settle.
My third story is about death.
When I was 17, I read a quote that went something like: “If you live each day as if it was your last, someday you’ll most certainly be right.” It made an impression on me, and since then, for the past 33 years, I have looked in the mirror every morning and asked myself: “If today were the last day of my life, would I want to do what I am about to do today?” And whenever the answer has been “No” for too many days in a row, I know I need to change something.
Remembering that I’ll be dead soon is the most important tool I’ve ever encountered to help me make the big choices in life. Because almost everything — all external expectations, all pride, all fear of embarrassment or failure - these things just fall away in the face of death, leaving only what is truly important. Remembering that you are going to die is the best way I know to avoid the trap of thinking you have something to lose. You are already naked. There is no reason not to follow your heart.
About a year ago I was diagnosed with cancer. I had a scan at 7:30 in the morning, and it clearly showed a tumor on my pancreas. I didn’t even know what a pancreas was. The doctors told me this was almost certainly a type of cancer that is incurable, and that I should expect to live no longer than three to six months. My doctor advised me to go home and get my affairs in order, which is doctor’s code for prepare to die. It means to try to tell your kids everything you thought you’d have the next 10 years to tell them in just a few months. It means to make sure everything is buttoned up so that it will be as easy as possible for your family. It means to say your goodbyes.
I lived with that diagnosis all day. Later that evening I had a biopsy, where they stuck an endoscope down my throat, through my stomach and into my intestines, put a needle into my pancreas and got a few cells from the tumor. I was sedated, but my wife, who was there, told me that when they viewed the cells under a microscope the doctors started crying because it turned out to be a very rare form of pancreatic cancer that is curable with surgery. I had the surgery and I’m fine now.
This was the closest I’ve been to facing death, and I hope its the closest I get for a few more decades. Having lived through it, I can now say this to you with a bit more certainty than when death was a useful but purely intellectual concept:
No one wants to die. Even people who want to go to heaven don’t want to die to get there. And yet death is the destination we all share. No one has ever escaped it. And that is as it should be, because Death is very likely the single best invention of Life. It is Life’s change agent. It clears out the old to make way for the new. Right now the new is you, but someday not too long from now, you will gradually become the old and be cleared away. Sorry to be so dramatic, but it is quite true.
Your time is limited, so don’t waste it living someone else’s life. Don’t be trapped by dogma — which is living with the results of other people’s thinking. Don’t let the noise of others’ opinions drown out your own inner voice. And most important, have the courage to follow your heart and intuition. They somehow already know what you truly want to become. Everything else is secondary.
When I was young, there was an amazing publication called The Whole Earth Catalog, which was one of the bibles of my generation. It was created by a fellow named Stewart Brand not far from here in Menlo Park, and he brought it to life with his poetic touch. This was in the late 1960’s, before personal computers and desktop publishing, so it was all made with typewriters, scissors, and polaroid cameras. It was sort of like Google in paperback form, 35 years before Google came along: it was idealistic, and overflowing with neat tools and great notions.
Stewart and his team put out several issues of The Whole Earth Catalog, and then when it had run its course, they put out a final issue. It was the mid-1970s, and I was your age. On the back cover of their final issue was a photograph of an early morning country road, the kind you might find yourself hitchhiking on if you were so adventurous. Beneath it were the words: “Stay Hungry. Stay Foolish.” It was their farewell message as they signed off. Stay Hungry. Stay Foolish. And I have always wished that for myself. And now, as you graduate to begin anew, I wish that for you.
Stay Hungry. Stay Foolish.
Thank you all very much

说

工作啦，就像不需要钱一样

活着啦，就像明天是末日一样

我今天觉得

读书啦，就像不需要睡觉一般

最近又在狂读小说，可以想象Jolee看穿越看的废寝忘食，如今我倒不看穿越了，反而更喜欢一部接一部的看现代小说，可能就是因为觉得离我们近一些。

可晚上一读就放不下，要读到很晚，读到没了睡意。第二天早上起不来，上午学习也困，中午睡觉又忍不住看，于是下午也废了。

书却排成了队，看了《山楂树之恋》，《女同志》，《杜拉拉升职记》。。。还有一堆在等着看的。。欲罢不能啊。

再不能这样了，再保证学习之余再努力小说。。。

其实是在一个朋友的网上看他说到了这本书，有那么一丁点的触动，才决定看的，发现它的有声书并不太长，于是决定下下来看，这样就可以在关灯后还让耳朵工作，而听比我自己囫囵吞枣的读更细腻。直到今天听完，有种很奇怪的感觉，特痛快，抑或是特现实，抑或是想撇嘴一笑什么都明白了的感觉。静静的思考，慢慢的消化，很久没这样细腻的读书了。原来那些所谓的穿越小说们只不过是彻头彻尾的大空洞，博人一笑罢了，再看看这样的故事，虽然也是一笑，但是笑出了多少沉沉浮浮。

想把这几个人物都说道说道的，然而每到这个时候就觉得自己词穷，或是阅历不够，觉得好像就是存在在我的世界中的，又觉得那些思想我好像并没真正的懂。

“一个女人一旦对男人动了怜爱就致命了，崇拜加上欣赏都不可怕，怕的就是前两者里再添出些怜爱来。”

LN的评论里已经写了，觉得小菲像一个人，又评论说，她不像小菲，倒有点像欧阳萸，她内敛隐忍，用笔杆子征服世界，用纯真正直的思想向往未来，但却和小菲付出过同样的爱情，也有怜爱。我知道他说的谁，也极同意他的话，不过这爱情是不是有怜爱我不能说清，虽然我坚定的觉得不是。比起她，我却显得没心没肺了，我需要学的太多了。

“人的成熟标志之一，就是明白有值得他怕的东西”

不得不再赞一下

现在真的有越来越多怕的东西，当本来应该渐渐强大的心智却有越来越多怕的东西，也就真的是在成熟了。

就是在怕中积累和成长起来的。

田苏菲和欧阳萸的思想从始至终就没有融合到一起，但这便才是他们的人生了。田苏菲自始不渝的爱着，没心没肺的冲冲撞撞义无反顾，还有欧阳萸一生都在寻找与他能精神沟通的人，两个人都挺可怜又都很伟大，两个都没能从对方身上得到自己最缺的东西，但正是一个义无反顾和一个内敛隐忍，才让这故事终究叫做史诗的，更多的是田苏菲的史诗的。

书读罢就读罢了，没有想通最终的震撼和感悟在哪里，却是觉得内心里充实了许多，总有哪么几束思考的光在身体里穿梭。

（此篇是补写前些天没写完的文章）

513这一集，真是感动啊。

一个需要器官捐赠才能活下来的可爱的小男孩，迟迟也等不到器官，已经快走到天堂门口。

一个五天后就要执行死刑的囚犯，想死在医院，可是却死不了，想把器官捐给小男孩，可不死却无能为力。五天之后的死和在医院得不到救治的死不一样吗？

一个脑死亡的人被宣布死亡，可妻子并不想捐献他的器官。他活在一个名存实亡的世界。

Meredith和Derek为囚犯的生死在挣扎，既然五天后要死，却必须救治他。如果还懂得挽救生命的责任，那么还真是别无选择。

bailey经历了自己小孩的生死关后，对这个自己会诊了三年的小孩变的冲动了，他想让Derek在最关键的时候放下手术刀，最后还是选择了救治囚犯。她差点越界。

主任，这个一向沉稳的老医生，也越了自己的界了，去求脑死亡的妻子签捐赠书。

最后小男孩的妈妈准备向孩子告别的时候，主任得到了签字救了这个小男孩，一个年轻的生命可以继续活下去了。

Meredith五天后去看了囚犯的行刑。

Izzie从Denny那鬼神的世界找回了自己，在现实和虚幻中做出了选择，她退回了一步。

大家都在越界，有的越过去了，有的没越过去。

生命有多重要，哪怕是囚犯注定了的五天生命？

生命有多无助，哪怕是孩子充满希望的生命？

哎，世界就是这样，活着总是好。

还有那许许多多作为转折的界限，越还是不越是个问题。那些负担着责任的界限一定不要越吗？

难得这个年纪了还能这么宅，是好事还是坏事？感觉朋友们都忙的不可开交，哪怕是忙着折腾。

晚上去广场走了走，呼吸了新鲜的空气。

昨天与LX聊天，她觉得工作的她现在对什么都提不起兴趣和热情了，好像是少了共同分享的人。难道人大了也就变的孤立了？还是变的更现实了？

宅使我的生活节奏变的很慢，有很多时间用来睡觉。然后上上校内，看看邮件，写写心情，看会书。

很多时间看实习医生格蕾，看他们乱七八糟的爱情，可是却把christina和burke给演没了，失望，我极喜欢这一对，大爱。

连歌都听得少了，改听《一个女人的史诗》，写的挺深刻的，哎，没心没肺的田苏菲。

啊，我的生活啊~

以前觉得不喜欢养小鱼，因为总担心小鱼生命脆弱，每每小鱼挂掉都会心情不好。

现在家里有几十条小鱼，几个不同品种，突然特别喜欢这些小生命，每每看它们肆意游玩，顿生了不少乐趣。

嘿，经观察，原来小鱼的世界跟人的世界挺像滴。有的懒有的勤，有的软弱有的彪悍，有的温柔有的顽劣。

有一群非常显眼的小鱼，总是组团行动，后来几经折腾，其余的每种小鱼都有个别抵抗不住变幻莫测的世界而离开了“鱼间”，只有这群小鱼依然活滴很潇洒。搜了好久才知道这种小鱼原来叫虎皮鱼。

“虎皮鱼Puntius tetrazona 又名四间鱼、四间鲫鱼。原产地：马来西亚，印尼苏门答腊岛、加里曼丹岛等内陆水域。
外形：
虎皮鱼体高，似棱形，侧扁，长5～6厘米。体色基调浅黄，布有红色斑纹和小点，从头至尾有4条垂直的黑色条纹，斑谰似虎皮。背鳍高，位于背上中部，尾柄短，尾鳍深叉形。
习性：
最适生长水温24～26℃，要求含氧量高的老水。杂食性，但爱吃鱼虫、水蚯蚓等活饵料，干饲料也摄食，爱吃贪食。虎皮鱼好群聚，游泳敏捷、活泼，成鱼会袭击它鱼，尤爱咬丝状体鳍条，不宜和有丝状体鳍条的鱼(如神仙鱼)混养。宜同种群养。

瞧瞧！爱吃贪吃，会袭击它鱼……这些习惯渐渐的在这个小世界里显露出来。有那么几条很懒很不爱动的小鱼，总是喜欢扒在珊瑚和贝壳旁边，就连吃东西都不积极，典型的靠社会供养的宅鱼。游来游去的虎皮鱼便时常去小懒鱼身边挑事，左啄啄右啄啄，上碰碰下碰碰，惹的小懒鱼到处躲，有时还追着人家跑。

某天有一只白色的小笨鱼去珊瑚边玩耍，大概是发现了什么好奇的东西，结果头扎进珊瑚缝里出不来了，就这样不幸的夭折了。还没等我们及时把它捞出来，虎皮鱼就发现了它，一群小虎皮拖拖拉拉的把这条小笨鱼拖出来了，左拍拍左撞撞发现还是活不了了，然后一群鱼活拖拖的把这条小死鱼顶起来，最后把人家拖到净化器有一个有吸附力的杆上贴在上面，然后一哄而散，充分显示了团队精神，而那条可怜的小笨鱼死后竟然成了鱼标本。

现在看来，它们到处拈花惹草，真拿这群鱼没办法。

我开始怀疑那些夭折的小鱼是不是都是它们给欺负死的…难道这就是强者生存？鱼世界也非常残酷啊。

看来自然界无论是哪里都是充满乐趣，同时也是充满竞争滴，要把自己变强大才能更好滴生存，还不要忘了团队精神啊~

家有小鱼~

我想说的这个位置，应该是有两个层面，（自己现在很容易把很多东西抽象化，别人难读懂，呵呵，这个毛病不太好。）一个是相对的位置，就是旁观与当局这样一个相对应的位置。另一个是绝对的位置，就是一个人应该在他所在的小群体中的所处的绝对位置，可以是自己认定的位置也可以是公司制度设定的位置。

一个人要想在事业中摆正这两种位置是件挺难的事儿。所以，往往当局者很难清醒的分析局势，而处于某一绝对位置上的人也很难改变自己的这一真实位置而走上坡路。能够突破这两个界限的人其实都是真正的牛人。

毕竟，别人都认可的位置才是你真正的位置，而自己幻想与虚拟的位置那都不是真的，没有说服力，即使你委屈了，如果你找不到行之有效的办法，那么你的位置就那么固定了。要想改变，可能的办法有：知足常乐随遇而安，忍气吞声，别人觉得你很安全，那么其实也就是为自己排除了很多阻力，可能所收获的却恰恰很惊人。另外也可以大胆的恰当的表现，让高层看到你的能力，谦虚爽快的处事，慢慢的等待机遇，但不能一口吃个胖子，如果遇到open-minded领导，你会受到重用，其实一般聪明的上司会暗中观察你的。还有一种就是自我叽咕，极为不满，目标位置与实际位置落差较大，心中失落，喜怒哀乐其实很容易表现在脸上，大家觉得你危险，这种人本身就危险，特别是自己的心理状态很危险。

啊，其实你真的看清自己的位置了吗？问问自己看待一切时的身份是当局者还是旁观者，虽然很难成为旁观者，但必须尽量清醒。你以为别人都没做事，你想想他有啥长处，他身处什么位置，他是否真的什么都没做？他是否是个没用的人？显然不是啊。你以为你什么都做，你比别人聪明你就应该与他们一决高下，一跃骑在某博士的头上吗？当别人的经历比你丰富的时候，可能他们看你就是在自我折腾，老人看一个自以为是的小孩，小孩就是小孩啊，再怎么折腾也动摇不了大局，但也不能惯着啊。所以小孩要学会成长，学的稳重，要靠时间的磨砺，要脱离小孩的位置。

啊，谦虚从来都不是件坏事，我们祖国的爹和妈—主席和总理同志也不是一下子就当上主席和总理的，其实也是谦谦虚虚的一辈子呢。但谦虚的同时要有自己的追求，山不会动你可以动，你改变不了环境，那么你要么改变自己要么选择新的环境，但千万别抱怨，都是些不用我说的道理。

如果你是个给别人打工，那么别说你比老大强，虽然作为长江后浪的你肯定会比你前浪的老大强，但你要感谢老大们为你提供的环境，锻炼了你，即使不是技术，而是忍耐力，甚至只是给了你看待社会的另一种眼光。你要想在失去的同时所得到的那些。如果你牛到自己创业，那你曾经的老大也会佩服你的，你拥有了No.1的绝对位置，但你现在敢吗，还不是要先奋斗？要想走上坡路，那么先看清自己的位置。

告别了大半个月,诞生了许多个milestone,现在我又怀着很多的感慨回到家了.重新开始写BLOG.还是关于那些feeling,thinking,learning….

—————–我是分割线—————-

milestone1:曲终人散

夜色无眠，转过身，窗外疏梅月影，曲终人散。

jolee毕业了

还有几个渐渐走远的朋友，有点苍凉的味道，但庆幸总有那么一两个始终犹在身边的朋友。

我生存的全部意义就是感情，这是XY对我说的，也是我所想的，如果没有感情，只是一个工作的机器，那使没了生存的意思，对亲人对朋友对同学对师长，我自己是用心的。

但正是用心，也就会多些落莫，特别是在这曲终人散时，我能留下什么？

每个人还是要为自己的生活而奔波。

每个人心里都有越来越多的故事，也就越来越不知道如何说起。

很多故事都是要收场的，青春的故事，朋友的故事，爱情的故事，正是曲终人散时。

——————–

milestone2：关于爱情

关于爱情，人生总要拥有，也总要去追寻。一晃很多年，我没有收获到爱情，也没有收获到幸福，但是我学会了相信自己坚持自己和寻找真正属于自己的爱情，也相信在不远的未来在某个地方，定有人等着我。

自由，一个多么大的人生命题，我希望有责任感，有牵挂，也有自由，我需要信任，因为我相信责任。这才是我的人生。

——————–

milestone3:真情永存

关于不轻易说出口的爱，关于那些不可能接受的爱，关于那些可以无私给予和付出的爱，我为之感动，谢谢你们。

人的一生能找到真爱是令人欣喜的，也是最珍贵的，每个人都有爱与被爱的权利，我都渐渐的懂得和理解了。

但人生总有遗憾，因为爱是需要两个人共同经营的，但有爱的心灵就是美丽的。

希望能真情永存。

——————–

milestone4:自由人

现在的我是个自由人，在研与博的交界处，我可以有自己的姿态了。

我暂时的不再是学校和老师的学生，我喜欢这种自由的身份。

因为想不起来了，所以不得不寻找另一话题。大抵关于得失的吧。

可能我生来有点迷信（莫要传啊，我是党员…），觉得索取和付出应该成正比的，不光是对社会还对身边的人和事，所谓的rp守恒也就这意思。我细数了数，总觉得自己近两年来索取胜过付出，即我所得到的回报大于付出，我比较幸运。所以开始有所苦恼，什么时候能贡献力量。

然后罗列罪状，我比较贪玩，在实验室中，虽然我的做事效率和完成质量较高，但是总的在工作量上和专心程度上远低于其它人，对自己从事的本行并不尽心付出，反而杂七杂八的事情总在分我的心，我有时在考虑旁观者的看法，估计大家觉得我用在学习专业的时间太少了点。论文产量少，不能给给我开不少工资的老板带来可观的论文效益，万一某时多开点工资我还多少有点愧得慌，更别提雄纠纠气昂昂的跑到老板面前去要求加工资。

然后看一对比实例，科大某杨同学，聪明灵活，统筹高效，工作产出量大，质量较优。风靡科大，自然，科大的工资与某杨同学的产出相比多少有点寒酸了，然后他就可以雄纠纠气昂昂的拿着自己的工作成果去找老大抬工资，我觉得这很帅，虽然眼前亏了点，但这种付出大于回报的事虽然让人心里有点忿忿不平，但却踏实很多。

其它许多，我常遇到很多疑难问题，总会想到那么几个指导性朋友，烦扰他们，他们都不遗余力帮忙，而我似乎没帮他们什么忙，或者他们的忙我多数没能力帮，觉得自己有些自私。或常常有某某同学们请客，还有专门盛请昀大人的小饭局，我又总喜欢跟朋友凑在一起，热闹和不遗忘，而我却迫于许多等原因无法及时回报别人，这让我多少不安，因为往往从朋友的角度来说，我倒像是个一味索取的人，可能我想多了。

正像一句话说的，天下哪有免费的午餐。但是从方方面面，我都希望有所付出有所成绩，但是却果真是“百无一用是书生”啊，我现在哪也使不上劲。评价：我现在的状态就是极度缺乏社会满足感。虽说相对于我现在的付出，我得到的也不少，但是我希望通过我更多的付出来换取更多的回报。

终于说到了社会满足感，每个人心态不一样，生活目标不一样，扮演的角色也不一样，虽然人类的生活层次不同，但每一层次的人都能找到自己的社会满足感。社会满足感是不分层次的，都以百分为标准，有些人甚至逸出，还有些人缺乏。

虽然表面上理解，得到的回报越高应该越会有社会满足感，但我觉得深层次的社会满足感应该不是源于回报而是源于付出，这个付出并非是你拼出老命累吐血的无私奉献，只是一种大众化的概念，其实就是一种心安理得的感觉。正像某些人，他可能会对回报有所不满，但是他却在他的圈子中找到了自己的角色，他的付出让他能拿出那种雄纠纠气昂昂的劲来，甚至是那种他自己说的想抽人的劲，其实他应该挺满足的。

而我也想尽早的找到我的角色，能让我身在其中乐在其中，可以满意自己的作为和付出，然后再获得让我心安理得的丰厚回报，而非一个怀才不遇的无用书生。

噫吁嚱，危乎高哉!　蜀道之难，难于上青天！

聪明人总会告诉你答案。甚至是你没留意过的事情。其目的是给你留下印象。更确切地说，是为了要从你脸上的反应看到所映衬出的自己。
这也许是由于自负、骄傲以及不安全感导致他要寻求你的反应。你是聪明人需求的实现。你是满足了他需求的听众。

智者不会试图说服你任何事情。智者试图构建自我，而非你。他提出问题，因为他想了解更多东西。他需要了解更多，因为他意识到,有那么多的东西他几乎一无所知。他意识到自己不懂的要多于他懂的。

不会对你改宗劝诱。如果你有此意愿并充满渴求，他也许会引导你找出自己的答案。他不会强迫你，因为他有自己的追求。

然后还有一种人，他们既不聪明，也缺乏智慧，总想向我们传达他们知道有多少。他们不会问问题。他们希望给人们留下这样的印象，那就是只要需要，他们都能知道。

他们从商业伦理中已经学会，自己应当“永远也别让人看出焦虑”。绝对不要给人留下这样的印象，好像你不懂。不懂也要装懂。装吧，反正大多数时候别人是看不出你不懂的。

尽管这是很显然的商业伦理，但却不是真的。不懂又不问的人永远也不会在竞争中获胜，因为实际上他人了解真相。而懂得的人能抵达理想王国。

不问问题的人不想学习。他们依旧无知。既然他们连自己都给说服了，好像自己想知道多少就能知道多少，这种无知也就心安理得了。

但他们依旧贫乏。他们精神上是贫乏的，因为总是先考虑自己。他们的知识是贫乏的，因为他们关上了机会之门。 他们品格上是贫乏的，因为他们连自己都欺骗，自然骗起他人来也是毫不含糊。

智者会分享其所知。但你得问他。否则的话他会很忙的。

他有自己的追求，并假设你也有。

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这文太透彻了，很生动，针针见血。

我现在貌似非聪明人也非智者。。。。。。